“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
This week I would like to talk about fear again. We are all afraid to get hurt either physically or emotionally. Most fear isn’t logical, but a lot don’t need to be, just the feeling of not knowing the outcome or the confusion alone can cause a very uncomfortable feeling. So at the end of the day, it’s the feeling that is dominant over the thought. The usual fear of discomfort is what keeps us from washing the dishes, doing exercise, mowing the lawn, cleaning our room, or even waking up early. This is why I emphasis challenging one’s comfort and getting use to uncomfortable situations.
So why do I want to talk about fear again? Well, I’ve been having a lot of person issues that I’m trying to work on and I am beginning to realize the effects of the fear that is hiding and just waiting for a weak point to just flood out and ruin everything that you’ve worked to accomplish mentally. There is a reason why many call fear an illness. Fear, like most things is synergistic. It will spread into all your day to day activities if you allow it to do so. How can you stop it? The first step is awareness. You have to be able to spot the fear, even if it doesn’t seem like a fear, in order to progress. For example: not wanting to clean your room. It doesn’t seem like a fear, does it? But it is. It’s the fear of work, of being in an uncomfortable situation. The second step is discipline. You must be able to control yourself and be willing to go through discomfort to change. The only way you’ll be able to do that is to practice being in uncomfortable situations a lot. That’s where the third step comes in. The third step is repetition. Developing good habits means using your already good habits often and practicing future habits. Habits are also synergistic. Good habits can spread into your other activities in your life and help develop more good habits. It takes time, but this constant renewal is a must if you don’t want to fall back into your old ways. Remember all three steps whenever you feel like fear is creeping up on you.
Never let your guard down. New circumstances may bring fear up in a totally new way, even if you already have great habits, so never let your guard down. Remember, letting fear take over in the slightest can trigger a reaction that might cause it to spread over to many things. I can’t stress this enough, BE CAREFUL!!!!
Since I’m a boxer, here’s an interesting story I found on the net about Cus D’amato, Mike Tyson’s trainer and the man who made Mike Tyson into the fighter he is.
“At the same time that Babe Ruth was slugging home runs on the other side of the Bronx in the new Yankee Stadium, the young Cus D’Amato was learning valuable lessons about fear and cowardice, toughness and courage and survival on the streets, lessons he would later incorporate in the unique philosophy of life and boxing which he imparted to his fighters. One lesson that became familiar to his disciples was that the fear of something is usually worse than the reality, a lesson he expounded using an example from his own life. He would describe how a guy from another neighborhood, who had a reputation as one of the best knife fighters on the streets of the Bronx, was swaggering around Cus’s own patch and intimidating his pals. One day the hoodlum challenged each of them to a knife fight. Everyone was afraid and no one would accept the challenge. Once his dominance was established, the challenger began insulting and humiliating them until he’d had his fill, and then left. Word of this reached Cus that evening. He was so angered that he sought out the antagonist and challenged him to a fist fight. The reply was no; instead, D’Amato was offered the opportunity to avenge the honor of his friends in a knife fight. The foolhardy Cus accepted. It was agreed the two would meet at an abandoned building at seven the next morning, alone. There would be no witnesses in case one of them ended up dead. On his way home, Cus couldn’t help but think it was most likely to be him. Fear gripped him as it never had before. He hadn’t the slightest idea how to wield a knife in a fight, yet here he was about to face an expert. When he was finally able to control his fear, he thought up an idea that would at least give him a chance. Maybe he didn’t know about knife fighting, but he did know about boxing, about using his fists. He found an ice pick, carved the handle down so it would fit in his closed palm, with the blade extending out between his middle and ring fingers. He than practiced as if he were boxing, only now, at the end of his fist, was a deadly blade as he jabbed the air.
In the few hours that remained until dawn, he tried unsuccessfully to sleep. He then headed for the empty warehouse where the fight was to take place, getting there early in order to check out the surroundings and prepare himself for his adversary. He taped the ice pick inside his fist, made sure the blade protruded far enough and wrapped a jacket around his forearm for protection. Then he waited. When the fear built up too much and threatened to overwhelm him, he danced around, practicing his technique. He learned that motion relieves tension. The minutes passed. Seven o’clock cam and went, and the knife fighter had still not appeared. D’Amato felt relieved, but then checked himself. If he began to wind down and his opponent suddenly materialized, he knew his resolve to fight might be weakened. Finally, when more than an hour had passed, Cus realized that fear must have got the better of the knife fighter. He wasn’t going to appear. Cus went home, a hero to his friends. The knife fighter never showed himself again. Cus knew he had won a victory, not only over his adversary, but over himself. He had faced his fear and refused to allow it get the better of him. “
I love this story because a lot of different things factor in. Things usually never go as bad as the person thinks they will. Our imagination can be an asshole sometimes!
